"I am doing OK but I am addicted to Paxil"

I was diagnosed as bi-polar in my second year of university. I had been suffering with it for many years previous but was good at hiding it. I saw a university therapist for 2 years during which time I tried many different medications. I was on zoloft for over two years. But when the zoloft decreased its effectiveness I was eventually put on paxil which helped me remain relatively stable for over 4 years. But when I moved cities and started a new job I was finding that I was getting panic attacks and having major trouble sleeping. I went to this doctor who told me I should try and decrease my dose. When that did not work I went back and he told me to go off the paxil for 2 weeks to clean out my system and then I should try this other drug. I trusted him. I knew I would get off centre if I went off my drug but I thought if I was careful and did not let myself get out of control I would be OK. I can't tell you how wrong I was!

Day one: I was OK. A bit "high" if anything.

Day two: I was very unstable, crying and shaking like a leaf (I thought it would be the worst of it).

Day three: I was violently ill for three hours straight, I could barely see, move, or function. My mood was beyond low, I was almost ready to jump out my window to make it all stop). A friend came over and helped me to calm down.

Day four: I slept for 12 hours straight. I thought I was just tired from the craziness of the night before. But later in the night I became almost hysterical, I could not sit still, I was sick again for hours, and the incredible feeling of dizziness (almost like you are in another dimension). I eventually ended up in the hospital because I was unable to control anything going on with me and I needed to get help before it was too late. They gave me drugs to calm me and put me asleep so I made it through the night but the next day I was no better.

By this time I had this incredible dizziness, nauseousness, exhaustion, and shakiness. I went to this doctor who originally told me to go off the medication. He did not believe me when i told him what I was experiencing and he gave me valium and told me to leave. Obviously, that was of no help. I had to call my parents from out of town to come and take care of me because there was no way I was able to function.

My break came because of my hospital visit. I got a referral to the psychiatric assessment team. I got in a couple days later and they started to try and help me. They agreed that what was going on was a withdrawal from paxil. I was prescribed Wellabutrin. As it is a drug in the same genre as paxil he thought it was stop the withdrawal symptoms. He was wrong. Five days later (I was at home all this time, missing work, hardly able to function), he put me back on 10 mg of paxil (he hoped that it would decrease the side effects while the other drug started working). On the 10 mg of paxil I was OK. I actually felt beter for the first time in weeks. I was still not feeling good but I could do simple things like dishes and walks. But as I tried, again, to wein myself off it, I got worse. Anything under 10 mgs and I had all the effects again.

Eventually, my doctor put me back on paxil (30 mg) and gave me another drug to stop the panic attacks and help me sleep.

SO I am left here. I am doing OK but I am addicted to Paxil. I know the only way I will ever get off it is in a supervised hospital setting (if that will even work?). I hate this feeling of being stuck on it, like I have lost control over a part of my life. (and yes, I still have the other side effects like weight gain, but I have given up worrying about that).

I was interviewed over the phone for the 20/20 story though I never did see if it was aired. (Does anyone have a copy, or was it even shown?)

I would like to participate in some sort of legal action. Not because I want anything, but because I want people to know about this! I want them to know that it is a good drug while you are on it, but not if you ever need to get off it.

-- submitted by LLB35, 24